Oh Boy It Never Ends: CAROL BURNETT: 90 YEARS OF LAUGHTER + LOVE

CAROL BURNETT: 90 YEARS OF LAUGHTER + LOVE is airing as I type this.

Complaints? I love Dolly Parton but I don't need a pre-taped segment from her or anyone -- that includes Oprah Winfrey. I'm sorry, there's enough to do and salute. I'm not a Kristin Chenoweth fan but I did enjoy her singing with Bernadette Peters and they're noting the friendship between Carole and Julie Andrews.

That's the sort of reason that I'm watching. I didn't like taped salutes when Nick and Jessica Simpson did their awful special in the '00s. I don't like it on this. From Ava and C.I.'s "TV: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey Reporting for Two Hours of Self-Love" in 2005:

Intercut between segments were "messages." Now you might think people watching would have enjoyed seeing their loved ones? You might think that some friends and families gathered around the TV would expect that these moments would allow those serving to send a message to them? You might think that but the "creative geniuses" in front of the cameras and behind them thought differently.

Instead you got the likes of Jennifer Garner and Ashton Kutcher uttering banal greetings into a camera. We find it really hard to believe that most troops were saying, "Did Ashton Kutcher just congratulate us! Man, that is awesome!" We also doubt that anyone watching from their living rooms was overly impressed with the generic comments from the likes of Garner and Kutcher.

They wasted time by doing something similar on Carol's special.

Celebrate Carol with skits and music. Amy Poehler failed in her bit. But that's okay and I applaud her for it -- she took questions (or tried to). I appreciated it even though it wasn't as funny as they thought it would be.

Sorry, during a commercial break, I was reading Ava and C.I.'s piece on Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson and it is still so hilarious:

It takes tremendous vanity or stupidity to dub an "entertainment special" a "Tour of Duty." We're guessing it took equal parts stupidity and vanity on the part of of the couple front and center. Both continue to push themselves as "stars" when the reality is that Krista and Ryan qualify for that honor far more than Simpson and Lachey. Having achieved little but magazine covers fretting over the state of their business merger, er, marriage, we're guessing that the star system has so imploded that soon Kathie Lee Gifford will be spoken of with the sort of awe usually reserved for Meryl Streep.

Coming out of a third rate boy band that never really made it even when boy bands were all the rage, coming off a failed solo album and really bad TV guest spots, someone's decided that this basic cable reject (MTV's Newlyweds -- already cancelled) is a star. A reader once wrote that we were too mean about Lachey because he's trying to grow up, as he closes in on thirty-two, we think he should have had to stop "trying" a long time ago. He is the John Davidson of this decade with all that entails.

Jessica Simpson, we can't figure out. There have been plenty of big boobed starlets over the years. But they usually didn't suffer from short legs, knobby knees, eyes set too close together and a nonexistent ass. Or at least not all four. If you're wondering why we're appraising her physical appearance, it's because what else is there? She's not a singer in the sense that she moves people with her voice and she's not racked up a lot of hit singles unless you use the term "hit single" very, very loosely. She wants to be an actress and, with her voice, pursuing other avenues is strongly advised.

One person told us she was Ann-Margaret. That's simply not true. Margaret had (and has) talent. She also had an endearing personality that wasn't village idiot of the entertainment world. Another person told us she was the new Raquel Welch. While it took time for Welch to warm up and demonstrate that there was a brain and soul inside, there's no arguing that, from the start, she was beautiful. Unless the camera catches her at exactly the most flattering angle (3/4 face, shot from above), Simpson doesn't even qualify for pretty.

We feel she's a newly discovered species, the non-star star famous because a magazine cover tells you that she is. The ultimate sign of how non-reality based our nation has gotten. A possible argument for some new creationist "theory" of non-intelligent design.

Maybe the talk about the disappointment of Dukes of Hazzard is premature? But we're told she's laughable (not in the good way and supposedly her nose didn't film well), that females complained about the hairdos on Sean Williams Scott and Johnny Knoxville (they do look like dorks). People are saying the film will be lucky to do as well at the box office as the film version of Beverly Hillbillies.

We're sort of hoping the talk is wrong. Someone willing to do a "special" for the troops that highlights themselves and equates their "service" to a "Tour of Duty" knows no bounds. If Dukes of Hazzard flops, we're frightened to imagine what Simpson has planned next. She's like Pia Zadora with more desperation and stamina. The only thing worse than picturing what new harm she can inflict upon the nation is realizing that there's a good chance Nick Lachey will be at her side to assist.

The one exception in the pre-taped bits? Michelle Obama. You know I'm not a Michelle freak. But her bit had to do with Carol and it felt from the heart and I will give her credit for that.

Vicki Lawrence took the stage to talk about how Carol hired her and why. It was really nice -- as was the clip she chose to highlight -- her and Carol singing lullabyes.

Melissa Raunch was great -- and showed a photo from her childhood when she met Carol Burnett.

But the best was Cher. I liked the clip of her and Cher singing on THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW. And then Cher came on stage and spoke about how Carol helped her.

Cher told her, "You were a great mentor and a great example for many women in the United States."

And then we got a look at some of the musical guests who appeared on THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW. The Carpenters, Pearl Bailey, the Jackson Five, Cass Elliot, Ray Charles, Liza Minnelli, etc.

It's not over yet but let me get this posted. I will be watching it again on PEACOCK (it'll stream there tomorrow).

It was a strong use of two hours of prime time -- but I would leave out all the segments that were taped outside of the auditorium with people not present except for Michelle Obama's. I don't think I've ever said a nice thing about Michelle here. So I hope you grasp that I really was impressed by Michelle who offered something more than "Congratulations! Wish I was there!"

Going out with C.I.'s "Iraq snapshot:"

Wednesday, April 26, 2023. Threats again of attacks on US service members in Iraq, a US general uses a narrow time frame to try to claim victory (when it's probably weather related), Joe Biden declares he's running for re-election, and much more.

TASNIM NEWS AGENCY types:

Kata'ib Sayyid al-Shuhada, an Iraqi resistance group, has announced that it is prepared to expel American forces from Iraq if the United States decides to keep them in the country.

"If Washington insists on not withdrawing its military forces from Iraq, the resistance groups are at the peak of their readiness to expel them from this country's soil," said Kadhim al-Fartousi, the group's spokesperson, in an interview with Al-Araby Al-Jadeed.

You can check the timeline, it's today. It just seems like a rerun because it is. Over and over that threat is made. It's as old as the Iraq War.

Still on Iraq, IRAQI NEWS reports:

The Turkish Foreign Minister, Mevlut Cavusoglu, confirmed that his country’s forces will not withdraw from northern Iraq and Syria at present, Anadolu Agency (AA) reported.

In an interview, Cavusoglu said that the withdrawal from northern Iraq and northern Syria means the cessation of the Turkish military operations against terrorism and allowing terrorists to get closer to the borders, and this poses a threat to Turkey’s national security.

The Turkish Foreign Minister explained that the Turkish forces will leave a security vacuum if they withdrew from northern Syria, and that national security and border security are very important for Ankara.

A security vacuum? They're violating Iraq's national sovereignty by putting troops on the ground in Iraq and setting up military bases in Iraq. But they think they're the ones in the right? Weeks ago, they attacked a convoy in northern Iraq that included US military personnel. Why? Well as Cavusoglu makes clear later in his remarks, they don't trust the US. Interesting.

Monday, the US State Dept held a press briefing with Major General Matthew McFarlane ("the commanding general of the Combined Joint Task Force-Operation Inherent Resolve") that's resulted in a lot of stenography but no reporting and certainly no analysis.

"If you walk away with one thing tonight, I want it to be the progress we have made, our partners have made, and the coalition in support of them, in the campaign against [. . .] ISIS," the general declared and like good stews in the secretarial pool, they all did just that.

He wanted people to know that ISIS holds "no territory." Terrorist groups rarely do. That's not their real motive. Disruption is their motive. The US government -- and lying generals -- still want to play like ISIS taking over Mosul was normal.

He then wanted to lie that ISIS "remains military defeated." What does that even mean, you liar? They're a terrorist organization. As such, they're active or they're inactive. You'd have to be a complete idiot not to grasp that.

There's been a reduction in activity!!!! And everyone ran with that.

He insisted, "Since the beginning of this year in Iraq -- so that's January 1st through the first week of April -- we've seen a -- recorded a 68 percent reduction in attacks when compared to the same period last year."

That's so impressive . . . if you believe any lie you're told.

Ramadan just concluded. Do you know what his narrow period saw with regards to Ramadan?

Fewer pilgrimages.

Why?

The flooding.

What marks the end of fasting (from sunrise to sunset) of Ramadan? Eid al-Fitr.

RUDAW reported on Saturday:

Compared to previous religious and national holidays, the number of tourists visiting the main attraction spots in Erbil province has dropped due to the most recent flash floods and cold weather, according to local authorities.

Heavy rainfall and floods over the past weekend caused serious damage to resorts at Erbil’s tourist attractions and brought traffic to a standstill. As Muslims in the Kurdistan Region celebrate Eid al-Fitr, the number of tourists was lower than expected.

"The number of tourists that have come was not what we predicted due to two key reasons; first, final examinations, second, most recent floods... However, we believe, from after [Eid al-Fitr] the number of tourists will go back to normal as the temperature degrees increase," Laween Jabar, owner of a resort in Soran told Rudaw’s Andam Jabbar.

Hey, here's an idea for the US government: The next time Iraq's hit by a bad sand storm and government offices have to close down, put Major General Matthew McFarlane back before the press the next day so he can claim victory again for a day where ISIS was inactive, take credit for that too.

The press may be that stupid -- or that whorish -- the rest of us aren't.

Yesterday, US President Joe Biden became the third candidate to declare that they were running for the Democratic Party's 2024 presidential nomination. Immediately, Marianne Williamson had comments. Ryan King (WASHINGTON EXAMINER) reports:

Bestselling author and self-help guru Marianne Williamson blasted President Joe Biden's 2024 launch video and warned he can't energize younger voters.

"I think that video was very out of touch, and that's what people are feeling," Williamson told the Hill's Rising. "I think an entire younger generation would stay home in droves in response to what that video is advancing as the administration's pitch to the American people."

Hey, Marianne, what voice in your head told you that? I don't know that I'd be calling anyone else out of touch if I were the candidate whose support evaporated the moment Robert F. Kennedy Jr. declared he was also running for the nomination. Disclosure -- and I'm not doing this every day -- I know all three. I know Joe, I know Marianne, I know Robert. If you talk crazy, I'll call you out. I'm not afraid to smack you around. Marianne got off easy in 2019 and got off rough. Easy in that, she was part of a group of women running so we focused on that and, except for psychotic cult member Tulsi Gabbard, the women all got along. Rough in that, when she called for everyone to send positive energy to defeat something (COVID, I don't remember), I thought about whether or not I wanted to write a piece on how positive thinking can be a form of prayer before deciding, "No, I really don't feel like writing something I don't believe in just because she's made a fool of herself."

With a smaller field, Marianne will have even more opportunities to make a fool out of herself. She'll also have more opportunities to shine.

But that would require Marianne learning to speak for Marianne. RFK Jr. will face his own obstacles. But he's speaking for himself. His remarks are authentic to who he is.

Marianne? "I think an entire younger generation . . ."

Are you a younger generation, Marianne? Why don't you speak for yourself or are you not able to? You've got Peter Daou handling your campaign but are you listening to him? You're not making statements that appeal to people. If you want to be a critic, go for it. We can use more. But if you're a candidate, you need to learn to craft those soundbytes better. This one is so bad, it's laughable.

Joe was actually the reason I was going to cover the campaigns today.

Some people just can't turn the offense meter off. I don't like Donald Trump but go back and you will see that when I thought he was being misunderstood over a remark -- willfully or not -- I would weigh in. I did not cover his Tweets. I felt the media was obsessed with his Tweets and ignoring his harmful policies.

But Joe Biden made comments about children. And the offense industry got butt hurt over his comments: "Our nation's children are all our children."

This is nothing controversial but when you're one of those Jonathan Turleys paid to create outrage every fifteen minutes . . .

Joe grew up in a different time when the neighborhood children were everyone's children. The adults watched out for all of them. Equally true, only the most rabid would disagree with Hillary Clinton that it takes a village. Joe's remark was not about stripping anyone of their rights as parents. They were noting that children are our resources, our most treasured resources.

There are many things going on to take actual offense over. As I've said in other election cycles, if we're going to be this stupid, it's going to be a long election cycle.

To drop back to Gen Z Marianne Williamson, I think this is a strategy that will appeal to many. Here's Joe's announcement.

Why do you need to vote for Joe again? The ad makes the argument that there are too many crazies out there (no, Marianne, he doesn't mean you) who are destroying our way of life and our democracy. They think they can overturn established law. They think they can destroy women's reproductive rights -- first with abortion and now with pills. They think they can deny trans care to adults -- or, for that matter, to children whose parents have made the decision that trans care is needed. They think they can attack LGBTQ+ members. They think they can tell us what we can read. They think they can tell us -- grown adults -- how to dress -- don't dress in the opposite gender or they'll arrest you.

And you think, on that last one, that I'm talking about drag queens and kings? I am but I'm talking about more than that as well.

Daniel Villarreal (LGBTQ NATION) reports:

The head of the Texas Department of Agriculture (TDA) has issued a memorandum telling all employees to dress “in a manner consistent with their biological gender.” The revised dress code would not only force transgender people to present in a way that feels inauthentic, it could also be used to punish cisgender people who wear gender-neutral clothing.

The memo, which experts say violates federal free speech and non-discrimination protections, is just the latest move by Texas Republicans to erase trans identities from the state.

The April 13 memorandum, signed by Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller (R), was entitled “Texas Department of Agriculture Dress Code and Grooming Policy.”

Miller’s two-page memo said that in order to “reflect the culture, dignity, and professionalism of the TDA… All employees are expected to comply with this dress code in a manner consistent with their biological gender.” The memo effectively revises the department’s former dress code, which didn’t mention “biological gender,” The Texas Observer noted.

The new dress code requires employees to wear “traditional business wear, including Western business attire.” This includes button-down shirts for men and skirts or pants for women. The code applies to all work settings that don’t require uniforms or protective gear for agricultural fieldwork.

Ladies, they don't just want to control our reproductive rights, they also want to control what we wear. This is the American Taliban.

If Marianne can't grasp that, she has no business running for office.

Joe's a known quantity. He can't change his brand. He can't pretend to be something he's not. So what he can he do? He can present himself as a voice of sanity who is going to stand with Americans and tell the bullies to back off.

That's what the campaign's going to run on and it's a smart move.

I believe former Senator Claire McCaskill was on Andrea Mitchell's show just yesterday talking about how the "Republican Party is worshiping at the alter of extremism." She is correct.

Now for those who believe I'm trying to steer people away from Marianne to Robert, let's do Robert.

Robert, the American people want to stand behind you. They'll accept your stands on vaccines.

They will not accept you standing with crazy.

There's a reason I'm not endorsing RFK Jr.

I thought I would. Then I saw him too tight with someone.

Tucker?

Mother Tucker was media, I could care less.

But Robert, if you're going to stand with a registered sex offender, a convicted pedophile, you're going to watch your own campaign burn down into flames.

You cannot survive that.

I'm sure some of the wack jobs are lying and telling you that you can.

These same pieces of trash insisted that Scott Ritter -- the registered sex offender and convicted pedophile -- was not going to hurt their DC rally for 'peace.'

But what happened there?

Even the crazies had to back down and disinvite Scott Ritter.

The media's not really paying attention to you, Robert, because they think "anti-vax" is going to take you out. It's not. It's who you are and it's not a surprise to anyone supporting you.

You're standing shoulder-to-shoulder with a registered sex offender?

Robert, that's not a dream of Camelot.

Basic rule of politics, don't stand next to a child molester for a photo op.

You're going to need to stop associating with crazies or you're going to hand your current lead over to Marianne. I'm not joking on this. Scott Ritter is going to run off support and if the media picks up on this relationship and runs with it, it could kill your campaign in a matter of weeks. That's your warning.

Marianne? She doesn't suffer fools who harm what needs to be done. Just the Scott Ritter relationship may be enough for some RFK Jr. supporters to go elsewhere. If so, if Marianne will listen to Peter Daou, she can run a solid campaign.

That's Marianne talking about issues which is what she needs to do if her campaign's going to have any real chance.

Can we talk about John Stauber for a moment. The hate merchant felt the need to reTweet Sean Ono Lennon. Hmm. He loves Sean but he hates Cher.

I'm sorry who actually did something with their life? Right, that would be Cher. Sean Ono Lennon is a 47-year-old man child who never learned self-grooming and he's the definition of a nepo-baby. How many hits did he have? Zero. Cher, by contrast, charted 63 songs in the US. Sean's had zero gold albums and zero platinum albums in the US. Cher? 8 gold albums and 6 platinum (and multi-platinum) albums. Sean has had two albums make it on to BILLBOARD's Top 200 albums (both made it to 153) while Cher's carried 44 albums onto BILLBOARD's Top 200. Both also pursued acting careers. I don't know if you'd consider the episode of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER or the episode of the original MELROSE PLACE Sean's 'acting high.' But Cher carried three variety series. She made films with Robert Altman, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jack Nicholson, Mike Nichols, Meryl Streep, Winona Ryder, Christina Ricci, Liam Neeson, Norman Jewison, Nicholas Cage, Olympia Dukakis, Sandy Dennis, Karen Black, Kathy Bates, Lily Tomlin, Maggie Smith, Judi Dench, Chazz Palminteri, Stanley Tucci, William Friedkin, Peter Yates, Anne Heche, Rita Wilson, Sam Elliott, Laura Dern and Eric Stoltz -- among others. She's been nominated for two BAFTA awards, she's been nominated for six Golden Globes (and won three), won Best Actress at The Cannes Film Festival and been nominated for two Academy Awards (winning Best Actress for MOONSTRUCK). Oh, and she's performed on Broadway.

Cher worked for what she has. Sean? Nepo-baby who will be handed billions when Yoko passes away. He's wasted his life. If that seems harsh, let's compare him to his half-brother Julian. Julian has a million selling album in the US to his credit and a gold one. In all, he took 3 albums onto BILLBOARD's top 200. And he charted six songs in the US. Unlike Sean, Julian didn't grow up with a silver spoon in his mouth. Even so, he leaves behind a musical history. Sean was handed everything -- he even had sleep overs with Michael Jackson -- but now, at the age of 47, he has nothing to show for it.

Naturally, that's who John Stauber elects to celebrate. Why? Because they both hold the same vapid opinion.

I'll celebrate the people who work and not the idle rich who've had everything handed to them and gone on to do nothing with their lives. John Stauber will just go on being pathetic. It's the only card he has left to play. And when -- and if -- Sean ever does anything with his lazy life, I might care what he thinks about Tucker Carlson but right now he's just a spoiled brat who has wasted his life.

Harry Belafonte has passed away. Activist, actor, singer, friend to the world. His life mattered and he gave so much. While fools and liars like Tucker Carlson cheered on the Iraq War, Harry called it out. We'll wind down with this from David Bacon:

HARRY BELAFONTE, PRESENTE!

Harry Belafonte was a true people's hero. He opposed war and racism, and was a friend of revolutionary movements in Cuba and Venezuela. He was a radical activist, in the tradition of Paul Robeson, in whose footsteps he said he walked. In these photographs he came to Oakland on April 15, 2003, for a march and rally against the war in Afghanistan right after it started. He was unafraid to oppose U.S. wars and intervention, a true man of peace.

Harry Belafonte, presente!

WHEN WE SPOKE OUT AGAINST WAR -
Unearthing the history of protest against the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan
Photographs © by David Bacon
https://www.flickr.com/photos/56646659@N05/52759801492/in/album-72177720306862427/

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